Defining Friendships in my 30’s

I was reflecting the other day and one of the topics that I was reflecting upon was friendships. If I am being transparent and honest, I am usually not a vulnerable individual however, I think the Creator has been breaking me more than ever lately. How I define bonds with other people today being in my 30’s is totally different than it was ten years ago. What will shock you though is that I am not about to give you the average response most people usually give when they speak of friendships in their younger years. What I usually hear are things like, “I just need some friends to go to the club with but other than that I’m good”, “I have my real friends that I talk to about every and anything and then I have those friends I use when I want to hang out”, or “I need me a home girl I can hang with until I find me a man”. I am not down for any of those ways of thinking but I am the woman who is not afraid to look in the mirror and have it look back at me. Reflecting back to my way of handling things were not the best ways of thinking either. I had the mindset like, “I don’t need any friends because I have family and I will deal with friends when I feel like dealing with them”. Looking back this was such a selfish but yet sabotage way of thinking. Then I knew that I was selfish but didn’t know that I was sabotaging my growth, connections, memories and other humans to relate to outside of my circle of family. Picking people up and using them for whatever purpose we want to use them for rather it be a club buddy or someone just when we are down is not a genuine and pure friendship because it is based off of fulfilling our own needs only.

Unquestionably, I leave no room for condemnation because with growth comes knowledge and understanding. Presently in my life I realize the beauty of friendships and that yes, they are important. Regardless, of what gender I am friends with I want the connection to be beautifully built on love, trust, understanding, laughter, and accepting of differences. I honestly believe in our society today many people lack authentic friendships and just connections period and then sometimes we don’t believe we deserve to have the best so we settle for the bare minimum continuously. Last but not least, social media is one of the biggest distractions that has diminished how we value one another. Rather it be consciously or unconsciously we have reduced one another to likes on Facebook and Instagram. Social media is wonderful on so many levels and for so many reasons but it should not be the birthing ground of how we define ourselves and the relationships in our lives. Say if all social media was to vanish today, what other ways would you learn to adapt and connect/reconnect in building wholesome connections? Of course, I am not saying everyone is this way however, as I stated earlier I am reflecting and social media has become one of the sources that we turn to for answers and to fill our emptiness. As a result of that the realness that is actually surrounded around us tends to become dim until it is actually eradicated. There is only a season with some friendships and a lifetime with others but the mission is to make sure we build authentic experiences and not empty advances.


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